My Only place to turn is this.

I don't need to bitch. Just need to express some "weak,wimpy emotions" that my life would be better off without. Excuse me for caring as much as I do. I'm going to stop. Trust me. I have all the time in the world to stop caring. Maybe at one point you'll appreciate what you have because maybe if god forbids one day it won't be here anymore. Am I really asking for so much from you when all I ask is that you play your part or role in what we are in together. No more 95% 5% bullshit.
I'm changing overnight.
So I say to you goodnight.

My Poem for a certain important SOMEBODY.

I understand what I did was wrong.
Never before has the feeling of regret been so strong.
I do not know what I have to do,
To make up for what I put you through.
Your actions affect everything about me,
but still it is something you fail to see.
Words can't express how bad I feel,
Maybe actions will show that it is real.
I don't want to lose what I barely had,
The thought of my life without you mak's me sad.
I wish I could turn back the hands of time,
and stop myself from losing when you were mine.
My heart sinks with every word you say,
It has been like that since the first day.
When I realized your the one I want to be,
The special person who'd be there for me.
You are the most amazing person I have met to date,
Losing you would make me feel hate.
To myself, for being such a fool.
The way I acted was very uncool.
There isn't much more I can do but apologize
Because trust me babe I have realized
That isn't the way a man should be
That wasn't and wont ever be me
Again I swear on everything we stand for
I will never lose control or
I accept that losing you would be my mistake
But please if you leave you have so much you take
Like my heart which has been in your possession
Maybe what I have is an obsession
Can you blame me, you are beautiful as hell
And the masterpiece is inside more as well
You lovely and amazing and everything I need
In order for my life to succeed
So please I know this isnt what you want to hear
But give me one more chance, because the end is not near.

My Fear.

Fear can bring out a lot in a person. It clouds judgement in some and sometimes shows the true colors of one.
But whatever I don't know any of that philosophical stuff. I have fear, for a lot of things. I know I do. I fear for my future life, future family, my parents age, my friends not being safe, not having money, school, life. But I tend not to think about things that are all going to have there own time in my life, more so why worry now when it doesn't matter today like it will tomorrow? Still don't know what I am trying to get across but whatever. Reason for this blog post is because lately when I have time to myself and am away from a certain someone (you know who you are) I fear to lose that certain person due to my inevitable future. My life is at it's next to best point, only one thing could make it better but it isn't something I am to complain about. I don't want to leave this life behind because the last time I did I came back to a different one. That's my fear, change where I don't want it. I am being driven crazy by the most amazing person I have ever met in my life, but sadly I'm to leave and do not have a choice in what is to come. I lose sleep over this and I wish I could just fast forward already. I don't know what to do.. I don't blog much because I don't see a point too. But i need to write this stuff somewhere. ~sigh~ Feel what I did in my past is a regret but I'm not sure if it should be..