My recent thoughts.

I started questioning why some couples that are in "love" have scenes where the boyfriend doesn't show true appreciation to their significant other as in always putting in effort or going the extra mile. And I thought this because I saw a girl from the past that is decently pretty, not too gorgeous and not much eyecandy but still pretty in her own way. And thought if I had a girlfriend like her with her looks and probably decent personality why do I know I wouldn't treat her the way I treat my gf now? And my answer was because she doesn't have much to give to gain that level of recognition from me. My girlfriend is by far the most outstanding girl I have ever met in my short lived life. And maybe I don't know everything about said girl from the past but even still. My girlfriend has so many great traits it's ridiculous but amazing. I'm so proud of her in ways I'd never be able to explain. She is such a great person, and deserves so much in life. I want to be by her side for as long as possible because I know she will be successful and pray to god that he lets some of her greatness rubs off on me! I'm madly in love with her and can't control myself around her. I don't ever want to lose what her and I share, as friends she's good as a girlfriend she's great and as a person she's amazing! She'll always see good in people even when she doesn't have reason to think so highly of society. I can't describe what I feel but I want to express how much I don't want to lose her in my life. She's everything to me, and without her my life is like a unsharpen pencil, it really is pointless.

My Only place to turn is this.

I don't need to bitch. Just need to express some "weak,wimpy emotions" that my life would be better off without. Excuse me for caring as much as I do. I'm going to stop. Trust me. I have all the time in the world to stop caring. Maybe at one point you'll appreciate what you have because maybe if god forbids one day it won't be here anymore. Am I really asking for so much from you when all I ask is that you play your part or role in what we are in together. No more 95% 5% bullshit.
I'm changing overnight.
So I say to you goodnight.

My Poem for a certain important SOMEBODY.

I understand what I did was wrong.
Never before has the feeling of regret been so strong.
I do not know what I have to do,
To make up for what I put you through.
Your actions affect everything about me,
but still it is something you fail to see.
Words can't express how bad I feel,
Maybe actions will show that it is real.
I don't want to lose what I barely had,
The thought of my life without you mak's me sad.
I wish I could turn back the hands of time,
and stop myself from losing when you were mine.
My heart sinks with every word you say,
It has been like that since the first day.
When I realized your the one I want to be,
The special person who'd be there for me.
You are the most amazing person I have met to date,
Losing you would make me feel hate.
To myself, for being such a fool.
The way I acted was very uncool.
There isn't much more I can do but apologize
Because trust me babe I have realized
That isn't the way a man should be
That wasn't and wont ever be me
Again I swear on everything we stand for
I will never lose control or
I accept that losing you would be my mistake
But please if you leave you have so much you take
Like my heart which has been in your possession
Maybe what I have is an obsession
Can you blame me, you are beautiful as hell
And the masterpiece is inside more as well
You lovely and amazing and everything I need
In order for my life to succeed
So please I know this isnt what you want to hear
But give me one more chance, because the end is not near.

My Fear.

Fear can bring out a lot in a person. It clouds judgement in some and sometimes shows the true colors of one.
But whatever I don't know any of that philosophical stuff. I have fear, for a lot of things. I know I do. I fear for my future life, future family, my parents age, my friends not being safe, not having money, school, life. But I tend not to think about things that are all going to have there own time in my life, more so why worry now when it doesn't matter today like it will tomorrow? Still don't know what I am trying to get across but whatever. Reason for this blog post is because lately when I have time to myself and am away from a certain someone (you know who you are) I fear to lose that certain person due to my inevitable future. My life is at it's next to best point, only one thing could make it better but it isn't something I am to complain about. I don't want to leave this life behind because the last time I did I came back to a different one. That's my fear, change where I don't want it. I am being driven crazy by the most amazing person I have ever met in my life, but sadly I'm to leave and do not have a choice in what is to come. I lose sleep over this and I wish I could just fast forward already. I don't know what to do.. I don't blog much because I don't see a point too. But i need to write this stuff somewhere. ~sigh~ Feel what I did in my past is a regret but I'm not sure if it should be..

My Poem for a certain nobody.

Hey. Okay yeah I always regret what I say
And I know its only been about a day.
But already I'm missing you.
Without a single thought of kissing you,
I wish we could go back to how things use to be
When things were simple just you and me.
But time changes more than just a clock
You shut my heart down and now it has a lock.
And the key was given away a long time ago
A display of my affection just another way to show.
How I feel what is real something wrong.
Why'd we wait so damn long.
I'm stuck in thinking about how we use to be
I wish you saw everything the way I  see.
I miss you, yes that's all true
But I don't miss what I felt around you.
I miss the hangouts the movies the car rides
The times when youd sit and our hands and feet would collide
Watching you cry to a fake death
I wish I would've never left.
Love works in many ways
But this one is turning into nothing but plays.
We know what'll happen again and again
So why the hell don't we just stays friends?
I love you and miss you but feel all too hurt
I'm giving up on you because your a big flirt
And that isn't what I like
Granted I am alike
Hell I really miss your feet
Its something I wish I could keep
The next girl better compare
Or else everyday ill be ripping out my hair.
Why am I writing this it has no meaning
I'm lying next to Wes wishing we were on the phone screaming
At each other trying to kill one another
Feel more towards you then I feel for my brother.
God I miss you and love you like never before
I wish you'd of given me one more chance to score.

My Cynicism.

This weekend was amazing for me. Not really honestly but I loved it even though I barely did anything. Went to a party with my older brother and when I got there I ran into a couple of old friends and most importantly my old best friend that I haven't seen in ages. We kicked off the night and had a great time. He isn't my best friend anymore because I transferred schools thinking some stupid reason I don't even remember now. Point is I've been thinking alot that if I had never left that school how different would my life be now. I do like my new school but was the change really that necessary? I had a strong urge to leave but only left to find another reason to leave again. Here I chase after a female who hasn't given me the time of day. A waste. Ive come to tthe conclusion that I don't care anymore. About anyone. Or anything. I went out to eat today at a Chinese food buffet with some friends that I don't hang out with much anymore because they've become very boring. I had gotten a fortune cookie that said I shouldn't give in to cynicism. Pssh that how I want my life to be. Fuck the world and fuck everybody. When I die I'm not taking anything but my soul and memories and if you happen to be in there congratulations you made a small minor difference in my life. We were all born alone and we die alone.

My 1st Entry.

I'm on my Motorola Atrix and just downloaded the Blogger app by Google and just want to test it out. I don't believe in blogging I think it's the most dumbest idea ever made honestly. I use to read one blog daily a friend of mine who I was very close to but still at that time I thought it was dumb. But now she's long gone and I haven't read her blog in ages. Writing my own kinda makes me think of her. But as they say there's more fish in the sea. I really don't know what to talk about this blogging is dumb. I'm probably gonna get into this seeing as I use to like to write and love using my phone. ^_^. Jk! Fuck blogging. Hehe I'm not a hypocrite either. Just a man without a dream. And alot of time. At midnight on a school night. -_-. I'm not too funny but try to be. Don't think I'm cool or anything. I'm quite the asshole I've been told. But I think I'm the nicest person you may ever meet. If you become close to me you'll see. Well I'm audi.